Working with our abused horse CrossBar

Cross Hankcock's Bar looked like a pretty little red gelding for my son back in June 2007. He was ridden by a cowboy with heavy hands and a bit overweight. Found him at a preformance horse auction (note to self NEVER GO TO AUCTIONS YOU'LL ALWAYS GET MORE THAN ONE HORSE!) I had picked out one for my older boy and we brought him home also. Alas my older boy is riding his. My now 7 year old isn't.
We went to pick them up the next day. The weather went from 90s and miserable on Sat. to 50's and rainy overnight and the day we got brought them home. Didn't even take the trailer to the auction, yes I thought that would help. LOL
So Cross Bar was in the round pen. Had to wade in my boots and jeans through knee high mud into the round pen which wasn't much better. Then he wouldn't let me catch him. He went round and round. Had a nice crowd of cowboys and wanna bes standing in the barn watching and laughing. I told him just let me take you home, don't make me look like a fool, and you will be our for life. LOL FINALLY he let me catch him.
My husband said, oh you load him, I'll load the other one here. The bigger gelding, Buddy, is a doll let the hubs catch and load him no prob.
Well we brought them home and into the arena they went. First we had the new gelding get in a kick fight through the fence with our other gelding, a stocky but short Morgan named Joe. Buddy busted the capsule around the joint on his hock. There was 3 days on IV's in the vet hospital and a week of shots and now a completely retired Joe. Of course Joe is around 30 but still was lead lining the kids. I think he misses the work.
We left for a family reunion the end of June, 2 weeks after bringing the boys home. Figured they'd settle in and by this time we knew Cross Bar'd been beat and we'd have to go way back to the beginnning with him. My hub's cousin was ranch sitting and would spent 11 of 14 days sitting in Cross Bar's feed bucket and hand feeding him.
We came home on the 14th. We were getting settled back into home routine and catching up on laundry and mail when our house burned. 80% gone.
Threw the hubs and I for a loop. Heck it took us a month to get over the shock to even think about calling an architect.
So almost 2 years later and hours and hours on the phone and emails the house is almost done and about March we started doing more with the horses other than throwing them food and calling the shoer.
Which brings me back to Cross Bar. Still a scaredy cat of people BUT thanks to my mom and the kids he knows people bring treats. So now he has to let us touch his face to get a treat. Hubs sat out with a handful of picked weedy grass tonight and made Cross Bar let him touch him.
I've been doing a lot of advance and retreat with him. I advance until he tenses and then I back off and turn away. He'll come up and almost touch me if I just stand in the arena with my back to him but I need him to choose for us to touch him. He needs to be groomed and it's driving me nuts with the extra hair on his back but I can't rush him. He needs his shots and wormer just let all the others got, but again, I could run him in the trailer or pen him in a smaller pen but the shot and wormer would traumitize him all over again.
He wants the attention so bad. He drools, chews, and licks whenever we're in the arena. If we're in the pasture outside the arena working with or loving on one of the other horses you can just feel him wanting the attention. One aquaintance on the BAEN board put it as "You can feel the energy sucking you in".
So I have to wait for Cross Bar's need for a job and love to overrule his fear that one of us is going to hurt him. I'd love to be riding him by the end of the summer but again, I just can't rush him. Wish me luck.