Army

I am visiting a family member who is deploying in August in Texas. It is not as hot here as it is at home. That in and of itself is a bit disconcerting. I was the only one in a cowboy hat on the plane from LA also, which surprised me. I wasn't about to check it through although I did bite the bullet for security and checked the boots and wore sandals.
I am exhausted but enjoying this look into a military base.
My dad was regular army, which is what my niece is in also. So it's interesting to get a glimpse of the base and listen to her and other NCO's and soliders talk. I'm actually picking up some of the lingo. By the time I was old enough to listen to my dad's stories, really listen to the uncensored adult version, my dad was starting into the Alzheimer's.
It's also scary to listen to their stories from the war, true stories, not censored fit for the news stories.
It makes me appreciate the true courage these young men and women have. It makes me worry that these men and women won't make it home the next time. It makes me proud of being an American. Seeing America through there eyes makes me realize how much we take for granted and how lucky we are.
The army men and women make friends fast and they play hard. I think it is because of how close many of these men and women have been to mortality. It isn't a matter of if a friend will die but when and every single NCO or specialist I have met on this trip has lost a friend. They work hard on deployments so they play harder at home to make up for what they missed and what they are going to miss.
No matter your views of this war. No matter your views of the administration. Please, please remember to thank a soldier for the service he or she is preforming for this country.

My middle Padawan

My Middle Padawan Mr. BB may not make it into Apprentice stage. In the last week, he has climbed up the outside of the 2 story wooden play structure at the park, tried to climb up the outside of our house, and decided that I just have to take him to the skate park in the next town over to ride his skateboard, of course lets just forget the fact that he can't ride it on a perfectly straight sidewalk in town.
I am not sure where he gets this intense need to be doing something all the time. He had it from the start. He never crawled or scooted. But at 8 months and 3 days he... ready for this.... RAN. And hasn't stopped since. We thought we were ready for it but we weren't. I dread taking him to a state or national park. I don't really want to see him climbing a mountain when I take my eye of him. LOL.
We got him into sheep riding, he vacillated a year, then when he was a little past 5 he told me, "don't you remember, I want to ride sheep again. I said I'd do it when I was 5 and I wouldn't be scared!" Ha.
He wasn't kidding.
This year not only is he riding sheep. He's started exhibitioning in calf riding also. He seems to like it. I will have you know I am one of the few moms who can hang a sheep rope and I'm learning how to hang a calf rope. I still can't quite figure out the damn knot, and I'm terrified to take it out of the rope at home, because I won't be able to get it back in.
BB plays soccer also, during the city league. His coach asked him to play travel league this last year but with the sheep/calf rides and the traveling we just couldn't travel anymore. Well I guess we could, but I gotta work sometime.
BB is also in Kajukenbo. We had to take a break due to money for awhile but he is back and going strong. He really likes it. It keeps him busy.
After all this you'd think he'd fall asleep into bed.
Nooooo.
Sometimes I have to plead, cajole, and threaten him to go to sleep.
He is not technically considered ADD or ADHD as he can focus in school an so far his grades are good. He is just out of first grade though. He doesn't want to home school, as he likes the arts program at the school. He was in the talent show this year and in Kinder he was a flying monkey and a munchkin.
I am not sure how we are going to make it in his teen years. Frankly the thought of BB driving scares me to death. And I have 9 years until that happens. I am not sure if the need for speed and thrills will get worse or better or stay the same.
Until then we will just keep him moving, moving, moving. All the time and see if that will help.

Blue

Everything is blue lately. The sky, the water, the carpet, me. I've been in a funk. It could be the fight with the mortgage company (which one has my mortgage now?) to get the last of the insurance money released so we can finish our home. It could be that hubs and I haven't shared a room in over a month and I really miss him. It could be dealing with the stress of living with my mom. It could be that our new big boss is a jerk and I'm tired of dealing with the politics. I need to put more shifts in but I've been avoiding it. It could be that summer for us has less than a month left. I don't know. Blue.

Took my breath away.

While wandering thorough KMart yesterday I saw and showed hubs some teeny-tiny sandals. Really took my breath away and I teared up there in the store. UGH. Heather would be almost 3 months now. I still have overwhelming moments of sadness, the heart aches, the gut hurts, the eyes burn when I think of all the moments that I'm missing. Sash would have been a great big sis.

Sleep and Ankles

It never fails. I put my kids down and find myself yawning and nodding off on whosever pillow I am at. Do I really need to go to bed at 8? I mean I normally work nights so what the heck is going on?
Why when one leg is injured do I always pick that leg to land on, over and over again? My ankle is a beautiful color of black, purple, blue, yellow, and a bit of green, not to mention horribly swollen. I have to wear my boots and not my tennis because of pain.
Why does the bunny chew through not once but twice the Ethernet cable? Makes no sense!

NorCal Equine Rescue: 6-5-09

This is sure about as scummy as two people can be and maybe not the smartest either!

NorCal Equine Rescue: 6-5-09

June 1st. When did that happen.

This year is flying by. The year's half over and I don't think I've finished even half of what I wanted for the first 3 months of the year. LOL. Ok I have to reorganize my work schedule and my life!!! Doh!

Nice Day

Went to a friends place and rode out on a trail ride with her. Small one as I haven't ridden but one trail ride on this mare in a long long time. Nice, relaxing, and HOT. LOL. Took my mare's saddle blanket off and it actually soaked my shirt and pants leg that I held it against. She got a nice roll in the sand arena and a shower. Then off to lunch with my friend. Then off to see Star Trek. It was great. A nice day and I'm pleasantly worn out.
My mom's old mare, she's 33, has a cataract in her left eye. She's ok with it, she knows her pasture and the 2 older geldings that's she's with so she can follow them around. The nice thing is that this little mare is 1/2arab 1/2 quarter horse and has a firey spirit. So sometimes she's a pain to lead and she's horribly miserable to worm. But today she walked quietly on the lead line, I was on her left and talked to her the whole time. She tied ok. And I approached on the left and was petting her face and muzzle and stuck the wormer tube in, she threw her head once but not hard and stood still for the wormer.
This is the mare that has to be snubbed to the tie post and still strikes out when it's worming time. This is the mare, that when my mom got her, the vet said, "well you don't know when she was wormed last. We'll tube worm her". Which involves passing a long rubber hose into the stomach through the nose. She promptly reared up and did a nice strike to the back of his head.
So today was different. I don't know how much longer she'll be with us, she also has arthritis in her sacro-illeac joint and it's hard to get up and down but we've had a grand time with her for the last 22 years and I'm glad I got to know her spirit.

Working with our abused horse CrossBar

Cross Hankcock's Bar looked like a pretty little red gelding for my son back in June 2007. He was ridden by a cowboy with heavy hands and a bit overweight. Found him at a preformance horse auction (note to self NEVER GO TO AUCTIONS YOU'LL ALWAYS GET MORE THAN ONE HORSE!) I had picked out one for my older boy and we brought him home also. Alas my older boy is riding his. My now 7 year old isn't.
We went to pick them up the next day. The weather went from 90s and miserable on Sat. to 50's and rainy overnight and the day we got brought them home. Didn't even take the trailer to the auction, yes I thought that would help. LOL
So Cross Bar was in the round pen. Had to wade in my boots and jeans through knee high mud into the round pen which wasn't much better. Then he wouldn't let me catch him. He went round and round. Had a nice crowd of cowboys and wanna bes standing in the barn watching and laughing. I told him just let me take you home, don't make me look like a fool, and you will be our for life. LOL FINALLY he let me catch him.
My husband said, oh you load him, I'll load the other one here. The bigger gelding, Buddy, is a doll let the hubs catch and load him no prob.
Well we brought them home and into the arena they went. First we had the new gelding get in a kick fight through the fence with our other gelding, a stocky but short Morgan named Joe. Buddy busted the capsule around the joint on his hock. There was 3 days on IV's in the vet hospital and a week of shots and now a completely retired Joe. Of course Joe is around 30 but still was lead lining the kids. I think he misses the work.
We left for a family reunion the end of June, 2 weeks after bringing the boys home. Figured they'd settle in and by this time we knew Cross Bar'd been beat and we'd have to go way back to the beginnning with him. My hub's cousin was ranch sitting and would spent 11 of 14 days sitting in Cross Bar's feed bucket and hand feeding him.
We came home on the 14th. We were getting settled back into home routine and catching up on laundry and mail when our house burned. 80% gone.
Threw the hubs and I for a loop. Heck it took us a month to get over the shock to even think about calling an architect.
So almost 2 years later and hours and hours on the phone and emails the house is almost done and about March we started doing more with the horses other than throwing them food and calling the shoer.
Which brings me back to Cross Bar. Still a scaredy cat of people BUT thanks to my mom and the kids he knows people bring treats. So now he has to let us touch his face to get a treat. Hubs sat out with a handful of picked weedy grass tonight and made Cross Bar let him touch him.
I've been doing a lot of advance and retreat with him. I advance until he tenses and then I back off and turn away. He'll come up and almost touch me if I just stand in the arena with my back to him but I need him to choose for us to touch him. He needs to be groomed and it's driving me nuts with the extra hair on his back but I can't rush him. He needs his shots and wormer just let all the others got, but again, I could run him in the trailer or pen him in a smaller pen but the shot and wormer would traumitize him all over again.
He wants the attention so bad. He drools, chews, and licks whenever we're in the arena. If we're in the pasture outside the arena working with or loving on one of the other horses you can just feel him wanting the attention. One aquaintance on the BAEN board put it as "You can feel the energy sucking you in".
So I have to wait for Cross Bar's need for a job and love to overrule his fear that one of us is going to hurt him. I'd love to be riding him by the end of the summer but again, I just can't rush him. Wish me luck.

ACLS and Allergies

What a combo huh. LOL. I finally made it through my ACLS computer modules. Now I have to get though the basic skills course on the pump and bag mani. Whew 14 years I've been stressing over this course and I wanted to cry at times getting through it but I did it.
I also got tested today on allergies. The doc said, you can watch the pollen count and try to stay inside. Um I no, I ride my horse, I do chores, I just sit on the grass and watch the kids play. So we'll see how it goes.

I Believe in myself.

Works been crazy busy. LOL. I think about my blog on the way to work. Then I come home in the AM and go to bed. Get up, help the hubs get the evening chores done, dinner, and kids done and into bed. Then sit for about a half an hour and back to work. I'm tired. I realized I didn't schedule myself one down day this month or next month. WTH was I thinking? I am not sure. If I am not working I have reining lessons with the trainer with my step-son and our horses or my son has a sheep ride or my daughter has something she needs in preschool. Ok note to self, every couple of weeks schedule myself two days off in a row. I need the time. I need to sleep, do chores, play with my horses. I want to ride at home at least one day a week other than the lessons and I have an abused horse that I need to work with more than once a week. He needs me to be more consistant.
Well our house is almost done which will mean more business but will mean that in another few months life should settle a bit. At least we'll all be in one house. I want to ride every other day, I want to play with the abused gelding every day, I want to plant a garden, but mostly I just want to have time with my kids. I want to take them on day trips every couple of weeks and bond more. They need it and so do I.
I need to finish my bachelors and get my dream moving. That will give me more time. I need to set myself a goal to figure out where I want to go and if online college is really as good as in person. That is the most important goal at this point. Get through school!
I will do it. That's what I say. I tell the trainer that especially when I'm having a difficult time getting something understanding a concept or getting my body to do what my mind is telling my body to do. I say "I'll get this! I can chew gum and walk at the same time!" Determination. I have it even when I don't believe it. Hubs reminds me. So I envision my backbone being encased in iron and I do it.
You know, that's the most important thing there is yet it's the hardest. Believing in myself. Such a simple phrase but the most important phrase ever said.
So do you belief in yourself? How hard is it to believe in yourself?

It's disgusting

So I wasn't sure what to write on here today. But I've recommitted to writing a bit for 30 days in a row so that it will become a habit.
I was looking back over the updates and found this on Fugly Horse of the Day.
http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/From-Race-Horse-To-Main-Course.html
While horse slaughter for food is illegal in the US it is apparently a black market thriving business. The scary and saddest part is that if you live in Fl. you might wake up and find your horse missing from the pasture or worse, butchered in the pasture or stripped of meat and left on the roadside or even worse butchered in it's stall.
When will people wake up and learn that the horse has spent many centuries taking care of us and basically serving us. So why do we treat them as throw away? They aren't. They are beautiful noble animals that deserve our protection.
Why is law enforcement not doing more?
Oh and slaughter is not a way of dealing with unwanted horses. How about oh I don't know NOT BACKYARD BREEDING THEM!!!! How bout being more responsible. There's more horses out there than there are people to take care of them. You know, not even backyard breeders are all to blame. There are a lot of big breeders who need to step up and be more responsible for their breeding programs. If there is a glut of foals, DON'T BREED MORE. Just common sense. Thank goodness Canada's shut down the PMU stables.
How about a national spay and geld your horse? Wouldn't that be smart?
Just a thought!

Rain

Don't get me wrong. I know we need the rain but my driveway is a muddy mess and I have to use 4 wheel drive to get out. Plus I have to wear my white nurse shoes for work tonight and not sure how I'll make it to the car. Maybe hubs can piggy back me. Yeah didn't think so. LOL.
I was supposed to ride this afternoon. Told hubs and kids, since BB practiced his sheep ride yesterday and my older one rode his horse to help push the sheep yesterday I gave up my ride time. So today was for me. Then Rain. It also always seems to rain after the neighbor grooms our arena. I'm not sure why that happens. It's the old wash the car thing.
Hubs is working on getting the tractor fixed. He needs a new gas tank for it but then realized today that he needs to put gas in it for it to run. We have the disc now we need the springtooth to run behind it. All on the list.
How many of you have lists? Seems like on our little ranch we always have lists. Lists of chores, lists of needs, lists of wants. Someday is a common word for us. It gets frustrating sometimes.
I am apparently just rambling today.

Death

Our old dog, Jack, died last Mon. He was between 14 and 16. He was a bait dog that showed up at my parents ranch several years ago. My mom tried to get rid of him by throwing rocks at him and chasing him with a broom. He wouldn't leave. He knew a sucker when he found one. One of his ears didn't move. Then he got hit by a car and my mom drug him home a mile not long before her female surgery. There went the use of one back leg and he found a home, he was hers. Then they moved out here and he took over my husband. LOL. He just faded away, like old people do. He didn't eat or drink the last few days. He was happy to get pets. He'd just lie around. He'd quit really eating the last month or so.One thing about living in the country. Our kids are comfortable with death. My hubby and step-son dug the hole. We buried him, said some words, put flowers on him, and then on top of the grave. Sasha was sad and still says how much she misses him. BB says he's sad but he's ok as Jack and he weren't close. Little Mike was sad also, Jack took care of him. When he was tied up in front he would play with Mike and when a new neighbor walked up he shoved little Mike into the front door, wrapped himself around his legs, and growled at the neighbor. He wasn't going to let me past either but I said "it's ok, it's the neighbor, go lay down" and he did. I always felt safe with him around. He loved to be scratched and pet but I knew he was on guard. His collar was always loose and every few months or so he'd slip his collar and go for a run. We'd find him in the barn. I just didn't want him to get hit by a car. Those shiny fenders were just to much to resist catching.Back to the kids. We, over the years, have buried dogs, cats, a goat, several chickens, and we've lost two horses. We've never hid it from the kids. When my dad died in 2001 he was buried at the National Cemetary. On the way down, Little Mike was sitting in the back with my mom and he got all flustered and worried. He said "we forgot something". He said we forgot the shovels. We explained we didn't actually have to worry about that someone else will dig the grave. He was only 5. Death and Life are just every day occurances to farm kids. I think it's better than way actually. Just my thoughts.

Horses

What is going on with people these days? I mean I know there are still some idiot trainers out that will never change their ways but come on. After the 90's, a decade of the horse whisperer and John Lyons and Natural Horsemanshipm what is the 00's going to be. The decade of the 2 x 4 to the head! It's disgusting. So the 3 strikes ranch fiasco is wrapping up for the horses and another trainer who says he uses John Lyons actually beats the horses and beat one to death. Read Fugly Horse of the Day for info on that. Oh and the overdose of selenium in the polo ponies in Fl. People grow up! There is no reason to beat a horse, ever. Oh and hitting a horse with the reins repetively in the neck to train the horse to stand or not crowd is beating a horse. If there's problems then train the horse. But damn it train it don't use more and more harsher training equipment. It's disgusting. If you don't have to patience to train a horse the proper way then don't get a horse or get rid of yours. Horses also live a long time. My mom's old lady, she's 35 and I saw her cantering in the field today, is an example of length of life of a horse. (I cringe when I see that she's usually sore the next day.) So if you don't have the funds to pay for years of care then don't buy a horse. Don't back yard breed either. UGH. There are way to many babies unwanted as it is. Why does everyone think they need a baby. Yes I am guilty of this and I've learned my lesson.But seriously, someone on Fugly suggested a black list of trainers. I like the idea. But until then, look for the signs.If the trainer is egotistical or demeaning to you, if it's a he and he in any way acts like a woman doesn't know her way around horses, if the horses in the barn act scared, if you shake a lead rope and the horse pulls away, and if there is appointment only to see your horse being worked, aside from not going out when it's not normal barn hours you should be able to see your horse at any time of the day or evening. Go! and Go often!If you have a horse you are the only one who can protect it. It can not talk! Remember that!

Wow where did the time go.

Geez one minutes it's 2 days till Christmas and the next it's almost Mother's Day. I can't believe it's 2009 already AND 5 months into it. What happened? If just seems the older I get the faster time goes but my kids they think that the time is SLOOOOOOWWWW.
I remember those days when school was nearly out and it would be a summer of freedom. My 7 year old (yes 7 now) told me today he "Hates school" because "you can't play guns or swords or ride your skateboard to school". The skateboard threw me, I mean we live in the country and no way is he riding a skateboard down the highway to school. But he did make me think, no more days at school of playing pretend guns, they were first in the army, and no pretend swords, there went the pirate ship they were playing. Are we so damn worried that our kids are going to come home and do real damage that we limit their imagination?
No wonder my son hates school. I really don't blame him. He got a note I had to sign today also, because he was daydreaming in school. As my hubs says, if they had sent notes when he was in school he would have had several a day. I was sad. Then there is open house next week. But they don't tell anyone it's coming. My son mentioned it to me and I went into the school office and asked. I work nights. So now I have to figure out how to trade the day to get to go. It all just frustrates me. I would love to home school my son. But he is so active and social I don't want to take the social part away, that and my kids going to school is when I sleep.
Summer break will be here in a few weeks. Then there will be endless days of climbing trees and pounding nails, and getting dirty for my son and endless days of arguing with my daughter who wants to do everything her big brother does. Even though he is 7 and she is 3.
So summer will be a time of change. Our house will be done FINALLY after almost 2 years since the fire. We will be moving in and all of us will be in one house again. Heck we'll be in A house. And we will have to figure out what to do for my son. Because I don't want his creativity stiffled any more.